Blog Layout
Valentine's Day
It is Valentine’s Day. For some people it is exciting and a day to look forward to. But for some it could be dreadful and a reminder of sadness or embarrassment.
There are quite a few factors you will need to consider when sending gifts and cards. It could be tricky sometimes. One thing to remember is that, this is not the only day you show love and kindness to people. There are more Valentine’s Days in a year to celebrate with your loved one.
Following are some tips, with Dos and Don’ts for this special day.
If you are secretly in love with someone, and not sure if she/he feels the same way, a box of chocolate or a card will do the work – by sending holiday wishes. You may also find out by asking the person if anything has been planned for the day, that you would like to ask her/him to join a ‘group activity’ or to ‘go to a party’.
If you have just started seeing someone recently, again no expensive gift. Chocolate and flowers are good enough. Expensive gifts and words like ‘the most important person in my life’, ‘ the love of my life’, ‘my forever love’ should be avoided. Because you don’t know how the other person feels and this can cause embarrassment or might scare them away.
Many people like to propose in Valentine’s Day, but you need to be sure that a ‘Yes’ is the answer. Do not break up in this day, unless you want to leave an unpleasant holiday reminder to the person in his/her life.
For new relationships, you can refresh your feelings by meeting at some venues that you first met or introduced. Be creative so car park, café, corner shop, bus and tube stations, etc., could become romantic venues.
If you are in long-term relationship or married, there are more choices in what you do to please. Simple or extravagant gifts, theatre, dinner, a holiday, a course, a beauty treatment …… that anything will do. It is again, good to be creative. Do or send something that will remind those sweet moments. And you can melt that person’s heart by recreating some special scenes. That is called romantic – you are caring and thoughtful.
Regardless of the time and years a couple have been together, it is always good to let the holiday refresh the love and memories.
An eco-friendly lifestyle makes you more elegant and charming. Etiquette and manners are always inseparable. Although they have something in common, manners are more important than etiquette. Etiquette has never been rigid, though times have changed. Rather, more content has been added, such as netiquette for using the Internet and mobile phone etiquette. Today we have one more lesson to learn - to be green. If a person develops good habits in his or her life in protecting the environment, and educates the next generation with such good behaviours, then protecting the environment will become part of the content of good manners. One of the key elements of etiquette and manners is self-discipline. For example, if you picnic in the park, will you use recyclable or dissolvable handy utensils or plastic cups and saucers? A self-disciplined person would always consider the benefit and welfare of other people first, think of the consequence and impact of his/her actions. As for parents, they have made a positive impact on their children by their environment-friendly actions, so the children will be aware of this at a young age. The easiest way to become environmentally friendly is to start with your home life. Do you ever turn off your tap when brushing your teeth? Do you turn off the lights when leaving the room? Do you unplug an appliance when you are not using it to save energy? Do you use paper towels rather than towels? Do you bring your own shopping bags when shopping? When going out for a picnic or birthday party, do you choose dissolvable paper cups or a cheaper disposable plastic cup? Just think about this, if people all over the world became eco-friendly, wouldn't the world and the planet be greener? Some people are green at home, but when they travel, they become prodigal because they have paid for the service. They use or even waste hotel room equipment and supplies as they please, such as leaving the lights on and leaving the air conditioner or heater on when they go out; asking for sheets and towels to be changed every day (but not every day at home)…etc. Many hotels now advise guests to change towels and bed linen sparingly for environmental reasons and to bring personal toiletries with them. Some hotels market themselves as eco-friendly. Are you interested in choosing these hotels when planning your holiday? The purpose is to do our part to protect the planet. When you travel, is it necessary to buy souvenirs for a trip? Some years later, will you still have them? Or do they end up in the bin? If you are already a very environmentally conscious person, what should you do when you visit some ‘not so environmentally conscious’ friends? Will you advise politely rather than directly criticising them? Practising good manners means you don’t embarrass people. You may say, ‘If I were you, I would do this’. Or roll up your sleeves and demonstrate. But remember that you cannot force others to follow your way, so you need to give them wise advice and let them choose and think. Who said that applying etiquette was hypocritical? In fact, it is a kind of wisdom. From now on, let environmental protection become a habit and a way of life that makes you more educated and more charming. Etiquette indeed covers all areas of life.
A person, at any age, should try to look presentable. Caring for appearance will make a person more responsible. Image matters. Whether it is one's business or the operation of a company, image is especially important. You might ask: What's the difference between an impression and an image? According to the Oxford Dictionary, an impression is an idea, a feeling, or an opinion that you get about somebody or something, or that somebody or something gives you. Impressions are usually formed without deep thought, but only by some small superficial detail. The first impression we often speak of is that people make judgments quickly based on a person's appearance and body language. And image, as the Oxford Dictionary explains it, it is a picture, photograph or statue that represents somebody or something. Image is seen as an art, so it should be built with great care. In fact, nowadays image has a broader meaning that it includes a person's clothing, makeup, tone of voice, spoken words, facial expressions, eye contact, postural gestures, social behaviour, and manners, etc. A firm and strong handshake, a sincere eye contact gives the impression that one can be trusted. A well-dressed person is considered professional, intelligent, or even wealthy. An enterprise also has an image. How its employees handle their relationship with customers, how its senior management conducts public relations activities and publicity, and even the uniform are all part of its image. Some professions in the market, such as fashion consultants, image designers or stylists, image consultants, and some reality ‘transformation’ shows, are all image related. There is a new English term, metrosexual. According to Wikipedia, metrosexual is a portmanteau of metropolitan and heterosexual, coined in 1994 describing a man (especially one living in an urban, post-industrial, capitalist culture) who is especially meticulous about his grooming and appearance, typically spending a significant amount of time and money on shopping as part of this. Men's consumption of grooming skincare and cosmetics has been on a rapid rise in recent years. Personally, I think that when men care about their appearance, it is actually a great thing. Nowadays, it is difficult to determine a person's age based on his or her appearance. Living conditions are excellent and more people are paying attention to grooming, especially skin care. I once heard the saying that beauty is taken for granted when one is young, but after one is middle-aged and old, one is responsible for it. After one has reached middle age, one can hardly stop ageing, but one can still slow down the progress. Many celebrities are more graceful and dignified than when they were young. Therefore, a person, at any age, should be responsible for his or her appearance. It is mentioned in the beginning of the article that there is a wide range of image, not just clothing. Therefore, to stay healthy and elegant is not an easy task. You need to watch your diet, exercise regularly and choose the right clothes. This is an on-going process. Once you have got used to a healthy and active lifestyle, you look great and confident. The more you make these good habits into a routine the better you will feel inside out. Meanwhile it will help you to feel more comfortable and more capable. The reward is obvious. Every time you appear in front of a client, you get extra credit and better results. For the message you send is that you are confident, know how to live a good life, and that you are competent and educated. Some people choose to go for plastic surgery. But they also must prepare and accept the risk that the side effects will leave them with lifelong regrets. Personally, I am very much against plastic surgery. There is nothing wrong with proper beauty treatment and skin care, but plastic surgery as a ‘shortcut’ could make your life miserable.
It is not surprising that many people do not even know the basics of manners. There are always little things you do in life that make you a classy person in the eyes of others. A simple thank-you card or a thank-you letter will make all the difference. Traditional thank-you cards are custom-made with your (or together with your spouse's) name on them. Nowadays stationery and gift shops have a wide variety of cards to choose from. For those with humour or funny design, you need to send to the right people. It is considered rude to forget to thank someone, or deliberately not thanking. Some people say, ‘I already thanked him when I left that night’. Sorry, that is just a basic courtesy, and there should be a formal thank-you afterwards. A formal acknowledgement can show appreciation and show gratitude to the other person for taking the time and effort to arrange the hospitality. It is a sign of respect for the person who helped you, showing that you are not taking the other person's hospitality/good deed/help for granted. Therefore, a thank-you message will affirm the other person's importance, bringing or enhancing your friendship and making you a cultured person. It is now popular to use email or text messages, this is an option. But please send them within 24-48 hours, the sooner the better. But if the other person is important to you, a person of high position, a person you admire and respect, the most formal form is a handwritten letter and card stating the reason for your thanks. Remember to keep it concise, avoiding any negative or unpleasant aspects. For older people, be careful with your ‘humour’ and be appropriate. The most common reason to give thanks is after dinner. Do not complicate the content of your acknowledgement, keep it simple. In addition to expressing your gratitude, you should also praise something in particular, such as: the food was delicious, the restaurant environment was elegant, the host's home was comfortable and warm, the table setting was exquisite, the evening was full of laughter or good memories, etc. Those who receive a thank-you letter, or card do not need to reply. Sometimes if we give a big favour or help to someone, they may send back a small gift or a gift voucher as a thank-you. In this case, you do not have to write a card to thank them, just simply acknowledge that you have received the gift. I often receive thank-you cards from colleagues (my fellow etiquette consultants), clients or students (who have attended our courses). I usually stack up different designs of cards. We practise what we teach.
Your image is an extension of a business card and company brand. It sounds shallow to judge people by what they wear, but it is an indisputable fact that we are all used to judging people by their looks. When strangers meet, first impressions are made in a second or two, and it takes longer to change that impression. That is, before you open your mouth to introduce yourself and sell your products, others have already made subjective and biased judgements from your appearance, clothing, and body language. A beggar, if he is cleaned and styled, then put into a room full of professionals, will be considered by most people to be a successful and intelligent person. Likewise, even if you have a lot of talent and inner beauty, but look messy and untidy, you will not be respected by others. A person's grooming and styling, on business occasions and in the workplace, are a display of one's personality and respect to others. The key to decent clothing is firstly neatness and secondly fit. The key is to prepare your next day's clothes the night before. Before you go out, if you have any doubts about your clothes, for example: are they too tight? too loose? too sexy? too conservative? And the colour is not right? If you have such doubts, do not even think about it anymore, change them right away, or you will be in a state of discomfort all day long. When it comes to dressing up, Coco Chanel has a golden rule, which is to put on the accessories you consider appropriate and beautiful, and then take away one. Less is more, minimalism is beauty. Men may not have as much choice as women and spend less on clothing, but there are accessories they can have to make them stylish: watch, pocket square, bag, tie and cravat, bow tie, business card case. There are mistakes that men always make, such as trousers are too short or too long, as are the sleeves of the suit; or the colour of the belt and shoes do not match. It is common sense to wear different clothes for different occasions, but as times have changed, nowadays the dress code is becoming more casual. But in the workplace, it is still important to wear the right clothes, as mentioned above that a person should dress for his profession. It is recommended to do some research to understand the dress code: casual, smart casual, business, business casual, formal and business formal. Meanwhile, you have to know what to expect from the perspective of your client - whether you are a hair stylist, a financial advisor, a teacher, an artist - and dress to match the industry you are in. One thing to keep in mind: dress in a way that is not only comfortable for yourself, but also for those around you. Now you might have a question: Does it cost a lot of money to dress appropriately? The answer is No. It takes time and effort to find the right style for you. You do not have to spend a fortune in buy clothes if you have just started working. For example, you can choose classic styles, good fabrics, and neutral colours, which will never go out of fashion. Buy some good quality clothes in Christmas and New Year sales and this will save you a lot of money. It is important to think about how to mix and match. You can ask your close friends for honest opinions. When you dress properly for the occasion and you are comfortable in what you are wearing, you will look confident, natural, and charming.
Elegance is an attitude! I first saw this line in a Longines commercial featuring Audrey Hepburn. Nowadays you see more stars and celebrities posting as Longines' models. When you admire the handsome men and women in the ads and the beautifully designed watches, have you ever noticed this slogan? If this is really an issue, then a lot of people need to think about their attitude. Elegance and modest demeanour are a person’s brand. The English noun elegance and the adjective elegant are derived from the Latin words elegans and elegantem , meaning choice, exquisite thing, taste. So taste is optional! By implication, attitude is also a choice, you can choose to be elegant or you can choose not to be. Moreover, the word etiquette is derived from a French word meaning label or tag, so one carelessness can reveal the identity and background of a person. Elegance, however, has nothing to do with the affordability of a Longines watch, namely it has nothing to do with wealth. Sometimes I went to Beijing, Shanghai and Guangzhou for business trips and saw many new developments in these metropolitan areas. But the software manners is to be improved. But one day in the underground of Shanghai, suddenly the light came into the coach, when I saw two ladies with grey hair in their 80s walked in. Their hair was meticulously combed, they wore light makeup, they wore chic little vests, and what attracted me most was their shiny boots with leather tassels. That was fashionable, confident and elegant Old-Shanghai. This is so-called attitude. To build a beautiful and harmonious society, we should start with ourselves. Elegance is also an expression of inner peace. An impatient and anxious mind just cannot manifest grace and calmness, unless you have superior acting skills. If a person needs to pretend and act all the time, how tiring that is. Hepburn once said: As you grow older, you will find that you have two hands, one to take care of yourself and the other to help others . Elegance is a reflection of grace and kindness. No matter you are rich or poor, you can choose to live an elegant and decent life. It is a matter of attitude.
Western etiquette began in France, and the word etiquette comes from the French word étiquette (meaning label or small tag). Louis XIV of France, who loved the art of dance, was the monarch who promoted the development of ballet. The stage manners you see today in ballet are a reflection of French court etiquette. At that time, he established a set of rules of etiquette at the court, using small tags to educate royal members and servants, with the aim of making the court a model of elegant citizenship, requiring men and women of the time to pay attention to their personal manners under all circumstances. Therefore, in the 17th century, France became the centre of European civilization, and other Western countries followed her manners and fashion. According to the source of the word etiquette, we have a revelation: since etiquette is a label, then a person's manners, the way he speaks, his gestures and details are all labels, and they all show or betray a person's origin and background. The word Etiquette was adopted in English in 1750, and according to the Cambridge English Dictionary, etiquette means the set of rules or customs that control accepted behaviour in particular social groups or social situations. The Oxford English Dictionary explains it similarly: the formal rules of correct or polite behaviour in society, among members of a particular profession or in a particular area of activity. There is also a word manners, meaning polite and thoughtful acts, which refers to a person's behaviour towards others and covers a wider range of topics than etiquette. Becoming a courteous person and cultivating an elegant demeanour cannot be done overnight or by attending an etiquette class. So, are etiquette and manners the same thing? Which one is more important? However, in recent times, when people talk about manners, courtesy and gentlemanly behaviours, they do not think of the French, but the British. The etiquette that originated in France was perfected by the British when it was passed on to the UK and became the standard of etiquette in the world, and the knowledge of etiquette shared in this book is basically British. Why is that? The French people at that time liked to be fashionable and a bit show-off, you can see many portraits of a rather flamboyant Louis XIV of France. But the personality of the British, is being reserved, self-disciplined and subtle, which are the essence of etiquette. Hence the French were gradually replaced by the British as masters of etiquette. In addition, the British Industrial Revolution of the eighteenth century influenced the development of civilisation around the world. Britain's influence was the greatest, leading the world in terms of technology and culture. Therefore, British etiquette is accepted and aspired to by the world, becoming a world leader in etiquette and manners. The basis of etiquette is good manners Although etiquette is culturally different, the norms of good manners that are accepted by most people are the same. A polite person is popular and liked by most people. Do you think that, nowadays people's ability to communicate has improved or regressed? There is no doubt that the development of technology has brought us many electronic products that facilitate communication, but we still live in a world where we need to be social, and we can't just ‘stay at home’ and interact online only. The fast and convenient modern lifestyle has, to a certain extent, reduced the interaction between people, and many young people do not know how to communicate and display courtesy, thus becoming anxious and uneasy in the real world. Now there is a new word netiquette in English, which shows that the content of etiquette has been updated and improved with the changing times. However, in today's highly competitive social environment, will being Mr. Nice be a weakness because of his kindness? Is it a disadvantage in life and in the workplace to insist on being a polite person? Goldsmiths University in London has done a study in this area in recent years, exploring the relationship between being nice and health, happiness and success. The research shows that those who consider themselves to be in the nice and kind category earn on average £3,500 more per year than their peers who consider themselves to be in the not nice category, while at the same time they are able to manage stress better and because of this they are happier, healthier, more successful and earn more than the average person. Here, do we see the relationship between manners and emotional intelligence? EQ, emotional intelligence, defined by Lesley Giles, of the School of Management, Lancaster University, UK: It is the ability to understand, through your empathy, one's emotional state and how one is affected by one's circumstances, while understanding the feelings of others; this ability is a perception that allows you to skilfully relate to people and better manage relationships. The relationship between manners and emotional intelligence is clear, that is to say, people who are well-mannered have a higher emotional intelligence. In short, both etiquette and manners focus on respect for others, while etiquette is built on good manners, which shows that manners is more important than etiquette. You may not know all the dos and don’ts of etiquette, but you can still be a well-mannered and cultured person.
Etiquette is dependent on cultures. What is excellent etiquette in one society may shock another. For example, Japanese make noise in having soup, to make the host happy. But in western culture, this is rude. Even within the regions of Europe, etiquette may not be uniform: within a single country there may be differences in customs, especially where there are different linguistic groups, as in Switzerland where there are French, German and Italian speakers. It is important to understand the uniqueness of cultures around the world and how to apply proper skills of social and business etiquette is crucial for people who want to be more successful. However, some good manners are culturally common. Nowadays, a lot of business is conducted on a global scale. As a result you really need to do some research into cultures and taboos, in order to avoid offending people or getting arrested. If you are one of the following, then you need to pay extra attention to the international protocols: * Planning to travel abroad, to a culture of which is different from yours; * Seeking employment with a foreign corporation; * Trying to do business with foreigners; * Trying to market a product or service to a foreign corporation / country; * Working with a group of people of different nationalities; * Hosting a foreigner in your home or staying as a guest in foreigner's home. Some Taboos..... Brazil : Avoid conversation topics such as Argentina, poverty, religion. China : Avoid sending chrysanthemum as gift because it is the flower for mourning, or sending clock which is linked to death; Do not place chopsticks straight up in the bowl. India : Feet are considered unclean so never point your feet at someone. Japan: Do not give gifts in odd number, or in the number of four (sounds like death). Tipping is not expected. Saudi Arabia : There are a lot you need to find out before your visit, such as women should always wear modest clothing in public, alcohol and pork are illegal... Thailand : Do not touch or pat a child's head.
We have given lectures and lessons to foreign students who stay with host families. Some of them have issues in communication and misunderstandings. We know that apart from the cultural shock, there are some rules that the students shall go by. Here are some tips to improve communication with the host families and have a pleasant stay and good memory while study in the UK. Do...... * Do make your needs known so the host family knows your thoughts. * Do talk about ‘rules’ within the first few days and ask questions about them. * Join them for meals to bond and learn British culture. * Send thoughtful gifts for special occasions, such as family members' birthdays. * Be respectful of local and family customs. Don't be afraid to ask and check it out. * Mind the little things that count, such as no banging door, keeping the toilet clean... * Communicate and spend time with family, rather than hang out a lot with your ipad and iphone. • Respect privacy • Help out with chores, though you have paid for the service. • Save energy. The utility in the UK is no cheap. Be sensible. Don't ...... * Be afraid of making mistakes in speaking English. If so you will lose a lot of opportunities to practise your English. * Be a slob. Keep your room clean. * Be shy. This will not help to improve communication with the family. You need to speak out your thought. * Be demanding as a diva. Be sensible in asking for things. * Forget to express gratitude, for the food, laundry....etc. * Be Critical and picky on food.
Certain rules still apply today either in formal writing or in electronic communications. Letters and emails should begin with a greeting: Dear Sir or Madam, this is appropriate in business when you don't know the name of the recipient. It is often used in marketing letters to potential customers, or to a new corporate account. Dear Mr/Mrs/Ms/ Miss Smith, is the formal way of addressing someone whom is not acquainted, in social and business. If you do not know the woman's preference, just use Ms. This is also courteous to address an older person or someone of senior position. Dear John Smith is less formal than the previous two forms and is used in business correspondence, when you don't know the person you are writing to. Dear John is for friends, or someone you know well. Hi John and Hello John, are used for friends who have been corresponding via emails. You do not use this form when you write your first letter or emails. At the end, both letters and emails are to be signed as: Yours faithfully - for letter begin with Dear Sir / Madam. Yours sincerely - for Dear Mr Smith or Dear John Smith. Yours and With best wishes - for less formal correspondence.
Classic film My Fair Lady was made from a play Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw. In 1912 he wrote this in preface: It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth without making some other Englishman hate or despise him. Later Professor Alan S.C. Ross published his famous U and non-U: an essay on sociological linguistics. This was a 40-year gap but it seemed not much had changed. He said: It is solely by its language that the English upper class is clearly marked off from the others. However, language and class distinctions have evolved and changed over the last 50 years. Below are some interesting examples of use of words. U Words Bike or bicycle Dinner jacket Vegetables Ice Scent Ill (in bed) Graveyard Spectacles False teeth Mad Jam Napkin Sofa Lavatory or loo Good health Pudding Drawing-room looking-glass Writing-paper How d'you do? Wireless Non-U Cycle Dress suit Greens Ice cream Perfume Sick (in bed) Cemetery Glasses Dentures Mental Preserve Serviette Settee or couch Toilet Cheers Sweet Lounge Mirror Note-paper Pleased to meet you Radio The Queen's English The Queen's English is elegant English. It is whether people use speaking and writing language correctly and elegantly. Some might say that Her Majesty is a person of certain age and certain level of class, but in fact nowadays this is less important than it used to be. She is more a linguistic snob. For example, she does not say Posh since this is not an elegant word.